I imagine a lot of what you're stating stems from the fact that at some point development becomes a part of a business, developing a product for an end user. Once money, marketing and sales become a factor the initial "fun" involved can easily become secondary to making sure quotas are met. Programming is an art and unhappy programmers are like arists/musicians who end up selling out - you end up compromising you're creations to meet market demands. But how to break free of this conundrum? It's almost as profound as asking "what's the meaning of life." It becomes increasingly difficult when selling out means a fairly substantial lifestyle gain ( you can afford the latest gadgets, house, car, travel ) which becomes comfortable, and the concept of throwing it all away to reinvent yourself isn't an option.

This doesn't mean you should run out and sell your house/car/kids but if you're serious about changing your situation then accept the fact you'll have to make sacrifices.

And a link, Steve Jobs commencement address he gave at Stanford last year.